A marriage counselor posted this on marriage seminar group on Facebook and demanded reactions from both married men and women
SHE WROTE AS FOLLOWS
Your judgement over this case,
Do you think she is right or wrong?
Let’s discuss.
A husband and family members sent wife away, because she built a house for her parents, while her husband and her children are still living in a family house.
The husband and his people are saying that she’s a bad wife for building a house for her parents instead of building it in her husband place for the sake of her husband and children.
But the wife stood her ground, that her parents comes first because they suffered a lot to see her through school which brought her to the level she is today.
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?
Sometimes, some things comes as surprise.
That man should have put himself in that woman’s shoe before sending her packing
Besides, she didn’t say she was not gonna build theirs(but her parents first)
The man should kindly forgive and get her back.
Let love lead
She should go and live with her parents in the new house she build for them. The wife was acting as a boss without the knowledge of the man. They’re not United. They can’t succeed as a family this way.
I don’t see building for the family is sole responsibility of the wife, she can decide where and which one to build for first. Except if she used the family’s money in building house, otherwise I don’t see a problem there. Beside, she is not duty bond to do the building for the family. If the man decided to build for his parents first, does Heaven fall down? Honor ur parents first, God will bless the works of your hands. Nothing is absolutely wrong with her decision pls. She is on point, on target, brave decision ever. More grace for her ooooooo!
I see nothing wrong with what the woman has done. She didn’t build the house with her husband’s money. It isn’t her responsibility to provide shelter for her family. The man should stand up to his responsibility and stop being petty. If he needs help, let him ask her. its not in her place to build a house for the husband.
Did she discuss it with her husband before building the house? Because the marriage vow says i become yours with my all in all
She on point as there is no law against that period.
It’s her money,and she has the right to build for her parents first who has suffered for her & made her what she is. Her husband is a big disgrace,a fool and a lazy failure to xpect his wife to build a house for him. Where was the He-goat when the wife was hustling? The man must be a liability kind of man whom can’t take care of his family & need not to be called a husband. Let the lady go & live on her own and leave the lazy man to be.
Building a house for the parents is not bad, but sometimes while most marriages fail is because most wives of nowadays fail to understand their roles and position in the family,, as far as a man has used his money and married you as his wife, you have become his and whatever you have has become his, he owns you and you properties, building house for your parents without the knowledge and approval of the husband is a neglect to the husband, though no husband in his right senses will disapprove such idea so far as she have the money and equally have the plan of helping in her husband family because is now her own first home, her father’s house is now her second home. If she truly love and respects her husband she wouldn’t have done that outside the knowledge and approval of the husband. Good did but in a wrong manner….Thanks
Nancy, Weldon and may God bless you for this comment, you have said it all
I really appreciate iur comment
It not bad for a house wife to build house to her parents, becz a woman always consider there parents as there first love in their life. That is not enough reason for her husband to sent her pack from his house
It is a shame that some people don’t even know what is called marriage, they think it’s just child bearing that is why they have their matrimonial home falling, marriage is a Union.. In other words agreement between a man and a woman, so anything you do outside such an agreement is totally wrong, even if the man is a millionaire and got his own house already, the wife should have told the husband and agree on it before doing such. The woman is absolutely wrong for hiding it from his husband what about the future of their children, no child would forgive his Mom for such act, when they grow up.
My brother be a responsible man enough is what you should do before she met you, her parents have suffered a lot for existing, do building a house for her parents is a wonderful gift she could ever offer to show them how grateful she is, be wise stand your ground go bring her back. Or you’ll loss treasure for good Pls. Thanks
My friend you people are disver some of you that say that the woman is right , have never married or have a family of you own , because if that man have money ,he has right to build house for his in-laws and his wife will know about it, and wife have right to build house in her husband plece or in her parents place ,but she must agree with her husband before building a house for her parents, if she is a Good wife she stopped to inform her husband before during that ,and if her husband did agree , she will try to confuse him before building it , because what ever the woman has now is for the family, and what ever the Man have is also for the family, so she done wrong ,but husband like me forgive your wife because she is your wife ,if she due Good is your wife,if she done bad she is your wife ,may God bless you all in Jesus name Amen.
That man must be a liability and i dont think he loves the wife rather than her money,he should have supported the wife and be proud of her then with love ask her to help him build their own house with love she wl do so,better go and apologise and take her back,she is ur helpmeet
She is not on point, the bride price on her head do she pay it on her own or do the man pay it? Man as the head of the family must know every single step taken by his wife because I don’t think that this man knew when they start the building, talk more of finishing it. My stance here is that the woman in question is wrong, because from the observation, she did it without her husband idea. This kind of woman doesn’t have respect for her husband.
This woman is quite on point. Except if the husband is jobless. As long as he is the bread winner of the family, he solely responsible for his family upkeep. Unless if there was a 50-50 agreement in the beginning for the upkeep of the family. Whatever her earnings is solely hers, & has everyright to her earnings. The husband can only plead for assistance cos of the kids & the life long relationship between the spouse. His parents should’ve distance themselves in this case or plead for their son’s sake to aid her spouse if need be.
I feel so sad and embarrassed been a man for this issue,the woman did the right thing for building a house for her parent it just that both of them lack understand which is the key of marriage,the man should feel challenge and stood up to his fit and clean up his messed and bring back his family
to live happy God is in control.
My parents first because they suffer for my education and your husband pay your bride price, or your parents give you away to the man. Plz I want to say it here that in every union of a man and a woman, you marriage first! Don’t joke with your marriage, Not your brother,your sister or your parents, Even in your husband’s place you husband and children should come first.
True love is lacking in their relationship, it will be difficult for such wound to heal cause the man now knows her priority in life.
The husband and her are since living in the their family house. That man is a fool. Before a woman can act like that, most time
the man hv been spending money on other ladies outside when,ever he comes home he will say there’s no money. May be family members must be treating the wife badly. He should stand up to his responsibility.
The woman in question is right by Caring for her parents but, the truth must be told.
She must have informed the husband of such plans to prove that she loves him no hidden agenda. If her husband does that be it for his parents or relative without her consent how would her feelings look like. That the husband not only hiding her his plans but cheating on her. The truth is; man…., bring her home, forgive her, let her also realize her mistake. It was for better for worst as both of u vowed. May the spirit of God leads the family.
The only mistake she committed was doing it secretly. Let the husband bring his wife back.
Very very wrong and for every angle that you shall live your two families and two shall become one as God s scripture stated it so she values her formal family than her present one so its not good but now if my fellow man married her because she had money before marrying her then she can but at same time she should not hide it from his husband
The woman has no regard for the marriage, in fact she don’t know the meaning of marriage, talk of her position in the Union. Now there is nothing wrong to built house for your parents. The Man is the head of the Union, whether he has money or not He’s the head of the family. The woman need to discuss her parents house problem with her husband first.then the man will approve and supervised the building. The sum for the building must pass through her husband. Both of them take glory.
God bless the woman for putting smiles on her parents face by building a house for them
Pls ma, alse try and build for ur children
Some husands are very lazy these days
That man is simply lazy.
May I never forget my parents that cares for me
And may my children never forget me too
But in the other way she should think of children first not her husband.building house is her parents family is not bad,but if anything happen to her now do you know those children have lose all, she can buy land build for her children beacuse the husband may be a way word man,then think of her parents, how many did her parents build for their own parents.they think of them first that why she is what she is.
Sometimes people just comment on sensitive issue without following the principle of marriage,, the woman is wrong,, because the bible says a man or woman will leave their parents to become one,, you have money to build house for ur parents forgetting ur immediate family,, even bible says take care of ur immediate family before extended family
she is a stupid woman by right firstly she supposed to think of rentage investment that will take care of her family and her parents family from the rantage she will
build every thing and also
Well, from the look of things the woman done nothing wrong building house for her parents since the man couldn’t do it. In one hand the woman is covering up for her husband and in another hand. l, the subject matter didn’t say whether both parties agreement or disagreement to such effect before building the house.
I agree with others, that marriage is beyond child bearing and an agreement between the couples, true. Marriage is not just all about the two parties but includes both families of the parties in the right senses.
If you ask the lady in question, she will give you her reasons more beyond what she said, “My parents trained me to this level”. Defiantly there is sometime she sees in her husband’s family that prompt her to build for her parents first.
Conclusively, I don’t see what she did to be wrong cuz if she can build for her parents, she also have it in mind to build for her own family. The man should not pressurize her rather give her time unless she don’t like her children and her husband and want them including her self to stay in the family house forever.
Pls let’s all look into their private life before passing judgement and in things like these,the women is left vulnerable just bcos she is a woman meant not to override her husband in terms of success.I am not supporting her neither am I blaming her cos I believe she has a reason for her decision.Some of us here even spoke about bride price compared to how much d parent has put in her life to be d better person she is today,am sorry but no amount of bride price can pay d Debt and for d man to still be living in his family house outrightly means he doesn’t know d meaning of leaving and cleaving so to me,d marriage has been faulty right from day one bcos d man has refused to be d man in his home.And hey,who says the husband family has d right to blame her for doing so,to tell us all how irresponsible d man is, marriage is btw 2 pple not all d entire family.D man better settle his home b4 it’s too late cos no amount of anger can destroy d house that already bn built.Fnx and let’s all enjoy dis new month.
I blame the parents of the woman. They are contributing to the downfall of their daughters marriage because of their selfish interests. They have encouraged their daughter to disrespect her husband, I’m sure they too have no regard for him. She should go and stay with them. There is no point living in a home where you don’t respect your husband. Whether he has money or not regardless.
As far the funds belongs to the woman, I think it is her choice to use it wherever she deem fit. I think building a house for the parents who trained her and put her in good position she is both in marriage and employment is reasonable choice, especially if the parents do not own their house. She will ever be with the husband to contribute if he allow peace to reign.
I tell u of of a truth, as my wife but ur parents trained u as a medical doctor, I even mansion of my own, and out of ur salary u built a house for ur parents without my consent, u re gone,
Then I still shares the family house, u made money and built a house for ur parents, it simply means one thing, u never married me, u re married to ur parents and as such should go back to then, this are the kind of women that order their husband around because are better financially, this are the kind if women that subject their husband to mental torture,
It is obvious ur parents comes first in your life, the piority of a woman should be his husband first, not even His children, let me make something clear they very moment u being to love ur child more than ur husband , I begin to invite anarchy not even to talk of ur parents.
Most of the guys here who calledthe man lazy, are the kind if guys that will keep the woman even if she is sleeping with another man to drop food on the table, u re the real lazy one here, not the strong man who took a stand. If u must give ur parents tissue paper I should know likewise myself.
For the man to still be living in his family house you don’t know what the woman is going through.It must be the family members that makes vital decisions in their home and the man too might be so irresponsible as he is not that financially buoyant as the wife. You are not there so you don’t need to judge her,if see tell you her reason am sure you will pity her
I can do same,my parents needs to be taken care of, I can then build another in my childrens name,cos such a man na bad market
What the woman did is pure disrespect to her husband. She has no love for ‘him’& their children. Though it has happened, the husband can still consider.
First who owns the money she uses to build the house is it for her ,if the money belongs to her, than nothing concern the husband let him go and work to build house for his wife and his children that is the duty of the husband.
Doing right thing at the wrong time becomes absolutely wrong, there is noting wrong in building house for your parents first, but it could have been more better to do when living as a single Lady and not when in Union with someone who forfeited everything about his personal need before marry her as wife and also, was taking care of her and the children which he might believed as his immediate needs before building house for them, therefore, instead of the woman to know why hasn’t he built house, rather she went further building house for her parents first, main this selfishness and unwise action because if the man was like her before marrying her then I don’t the woman could have a base to built house for her parents. That woman don’t know what is called marriage.
The wife is very wrong to build a house for her parent without the knowledge of her husband, period
Do you think if they were living in their personal house the husband will allow his wife build her parents a house….
If the husband can send her out only because she built a house for her parents that means his also a bad n curnish man…
Let’s face facts this man can cheat at any time n pusure his wife out of the house even if they unitedly built it together …abi will he ask for permission before cheating …I tink she is very very right stating that the husband’s money wasn’t stolen..
She is a good woman I think personally,, the parents spent a lot to make a woman who her married. If he thinks is bad he would make an effort to get something started she doesn’t sound bad she can come in to help him I think.