NEWS EXTRA: What a sample of men, women across Nigerian cities said as to who cheats most between husband and wife

By-Oke Orhonigbe

The rate at which divorce is taking place in Nigeria is quite alarming. Not only in Nigeria but in most parts of the world, divorce and separation have been accepted as the ultimate end when issues arise in families. Marriages fail for diverse reasons and Infidelity has been observed as one of the biggest reasons for failed marriages. It is a fault of both the man and woman.

Some  persons hop onto the train of marriage without understanding the commitment and love language that is required to build and sustain the marriage union. Some people get married to someone but have emotional attachment to another person, thus flirting with the other but physically married to the person they are living with.

Reports abound of women communicating with other men through calls, text messages and WhatsApp messages even from their room with their husbands and wives. Some women,  for financial reasons, cheat on their husbands to make ends meet, while men also cheat because of uncontrolled libido.

Infidelity has destroyed many homes and wrecked hitherto beautiful marriages. This is we have children in families but children of the man. They are biologically fathered by another man being cared for by the supposed father. These issues have remained unresolved in families and they are becoming worrisome to society

You  must have noticed wedding and engagement season is in full swing. Looking at some posts on social media, beaming brides in white gowns, couples hand in hand, proud parents, and cheering guests—one may wonder if these people will stay together for the long haul and whether they have taken full consideration of what it is and not just basking in the euphoria of just being newly wedded.

 Despite loving someone, the temptation to cheat at times beckons. The flashy look of a woman could be enough reason to pull a man to the woman. It’s scientifically possible to feel a deep attachment to a long-term partner at the same time, feel intense romantic love towards someone else.These are possibilities and they happen right in our eyes.

There are evidences everywhere to show that marriage does not stop one from cheating, whether man or woman. Some people have said when they marry, they will stop flirting around, that is not true. It is only self discipline and readiness to maintain a stable family that can prevent Infidelity and maintain a happy and united family. Despite being married, there are men and women who have tried to stay faithful in their unions but find it difficult.

Cynthia Nwende, a fashion designer in Asaba, agreed that whether married or not, men cheat more than women. According  to her, men cheat  more when they are far away from their wives. This is very common with men who work in far away cities from their homes. These men cannot stay without women

She made reference to a married friend of hers, explaining that the man works in Delta but his family reside in Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory.

“Whenever his wife is around with him, we communicate less but when his wife is not with him, he calls me up and down describing how much he loves me. Well I noticed this and I just wish his wife can relocate to Delta to save her marriage,” she said.

Lagos based business tycoon, Francis Ejiany, disagreed with Nwende on who cheats most. For him, women cheat more than men. He said women are more reserved but do cheat more than men. He added: “Men do cheat and possibly openly, but we see wives dodge and sneak out of the home to cheat and the husband will not even suspect. Women do their activities very low-key but a man cannot hide his activities for long.”

Vivian Theodore, a wife and graduate of University of Port Harcourt, said both gender are guilty of cheating. She said: “In some marriages your partner offends you, or does something wrong, and refuses to see reason with you. Sharing it or asking for someone else’s opinion might seem like the easiest thing for the other person to do (especially someone of the opposite sex).”

Again, “You find yourself in a scenario of  “I just needed someone to talk to and he or she was there for me  You should know that sharing sensitive information aka regular, intimate communication is how most emotional bonds begin. Soon a shoulder to cry on might soon become a ‘rod’ to ride on. Do not get too close. Do not build that emotional connection. You’ll not be able to fight that temptation to cheat when your confidant is higher than you in society.”

For Micheal Uvwiama, a business man in Abuja, he  reasoned that cheating in any marriage is wrong. He said:  “I do not agree with it but men cheat the most because they believe the woman is to care for their kids and the  house forgetting that they both took a vow not to cheat till death.

“The man believes that his wife  is his  private property and the woman cannot cheat on him, ignoring the fact that anything can happen. Men are the starters of everything that happens in their home.”

Cynthia Panama, a student  of Delta State University, Abraka, also said men cheat in a relationship because  most ladies of nowadays are walking temptations. “The ladies dress solely to seduce men. When men see them, they become moved to them even when they already have a spouse.

“When they  become attracted lustfully, cheating follows because most times, they cannot control their actions. It takes a lot of self discipline to control the urge and sorry to say, not all men have that discipline “