By Oke Orhonigbe
In the words of Nathan Workman “Who we marry is one of the most important decisions in life. One that will influence the level of happiness, growth and success like no other.’
The discussion on marriage being an achievement or not is very pertinent and is still being talked about in our contemporary society. Some feel it is just another cycle of life, others feel it is an attainment as it gives honour to some, especially women in this region of the globe.
At other times, some see no need going into marriage. They view the challenges in marriage and conclude that there is no cause marrying. This is more of the views of women, some of whom do not want to be subject to men. They do not want to be under the authority of men. They want to be independent and live their lives the way they want.
A good number of these persons are female rights activists who champion the right of women. They advocate for women liberation and equality with men. Hence, they see no need in women being under the leadership and authority of men. Some of these people are single mothers and are content with their lives.
Michael Kayode, a Mass Communication student of Delta State polytechnic, Ogwashi Uku, said achievement is seen as something done successfully especially when one uses his or her effort. According to him, marriage is something that one cannot predict if it would end successfully or not. It’s more like a trial and error game.
He said: “I cannot say because I have a successful marriage it is an achievement. What if my partner divorces me in the future? Will I say I have lost an achievement?” For him, marriage cannot be termed achievement.
Another student, Dorcas Izah, argued that marriage can be an achievement in some sense. She said “as ladies, society puts pressure on us to get married, despite all your accomplishments. As long as you’re of marriagable age and you’re not married, society makes you feel you’ve not attained a single goal in your life.
” Marriage brings respect in certain ways a single lady cannot have. In Africa precisely, it is an ahievement but personally I’ll say it is not mandatory but necessary. I’m looking forward to it, having this person by your side, when the push comes to shove, you’re still together, it’ll be a wonderful experience I guess.”
Faith Diamond, a mother of one and Chief Executive Officer of Pei’s Craft, believes that each individual should give their separate definition to marriage. According to her, any definition each person gives to marriage is right.
She said: “If an individual believes marriage is an achievement or says otherwise he or she is not wrong. But to me it’s a No. When a society views marriage as an achievement we make single ladies feel they have not achieved anything until they get married. When we say marriage is an achievement we make the women who had a divorce for legitimate reasons feel like failures.
“But i still know that staying happily married for years is an achievement. For this I agree because it is not easy. But just getting married to someone is not an achievement. A marriage is worked upon by two individuals for years, they share joy and sorrow, they share children they share what they believe in and all these take efforts, compromise and commitment before it becomes a worthy feat.
“Besides, marriage does not elevate your status in society, getting married to someone does not make you any more or less important to your friends, family or society than you were as a single woman. You should know that as a human being.you are much more. You are the achievement itself because you are all the degrees you studied hard for, all the examinations you failed, alll the nights you prepared, you are the knowledge you have and the value you bring to the table you are not just a son in-law or daughter in-law to a family.,”
Michael Uviama, an Abuja based entrepreneur, says society should not view marriage as an achievement, saying “When a society views marriage as an achievement, we make single ladies feel like they are half women. we make ladies chase the trophy of marriage and so they don’t commit to a suitable man but any man who will make that trophy achievable.
“We put pressure on the married woman to act a certain way because society is watching how successful she will be. We make the women who had to get a divorce for legitimate reasons feel like failures.This is why so many single ladies no matter how much success they have in their personal and career life, they feel inadequate.
“They face a look that says “What is wrong with you, can’t you find a man?”, they feel like the married women look down on them because the married women act like they won a gold medal and the single ladies are still babies who don’t know much about life. Single ladies face pressure in church, at home, at work even from themselves; it’s as if society is telling them We don’t trust how woman you are.”
Lucia Obehi, a Biochemistry graduate from the University of Calabar, is very blunt. She says marriage is not an achievement. “What did you achieve by getting married?” She added: “It’s just a life challenge and not everyone comes out strong and successful. Marriage is a continuous process, no stopping till death. For me, marriage is not an achievement.”
A business man in Asaba, Ezeaku Moses, is also not ready to call marriage an achievement. He said some people go into marriage because others ar doing it. “I won’t call it much of an achievement. To some people it is, but for me it is not. There are so many other things that can be called achievements but not martiage.”
Agbaga Goodluck, an entrepreneur in Asaba, believes that only those who have been able to scale through the hurdles of marriage can rightly say marriage is an achievement. “For me, being able to stay happy in marriage is the true achievement”
For Lanre Akinremi, Manager, Glo Nigeria Port Harcourt, marriage is an achievement and another phase of life put together. He said marriage, being another phase of life is an achievement as a man leaves father and mother and cleaves to his wife.
