WITH JONATHAN ABIMBOLA
Stella woke up with a start. It was a big relief that the awful scenario was a nightmare. She was covered with sweat despite the ceiling fan that was in full blast. Momentarily, she tried to recall the odd dream.
Walking leisurely into their bedroom that evening, she was surprised to find out that her husband was already in. That was quite unusual. But, before she could express herself, she was confronted by a bigger shock: the man in their bedroom is a total stranger!
“Who are you?” Stella asked screaming.” How did you enter…?”She added, breathing heavily. “Com’on, Stella b-a-b-y, I’m the same Rufus, your husband; Or, do I look so different?” the stranger replied with incredible calm and confidence.
Not finding it funny, she raised an alarm suddenly, “Help! Somebody, help!! A stranger has entered my bedroom!!!”
The shout brought her back to real life.
Expectedly, she was disturbed and confused about the meaning – or meaninglessness – of the dream.
Just then, the pieces of the puzzle began to come together. Finally, it dawned on her that the dream is a pointer to the current state of her marital relationship.
Truth be told, many marriages today are in a state of near-collapse. Beside the ever-increasing cases of divorce and separation, countless couples are merely living together as independent housemates, or worse still, like total strangers under the same roof.
Very few couples are in the exception here. Sadly, the moves and actions (including inactions) which ultimately result in the damnable drift often begin slowly and without notice.
To start with, at what point does the mutual alienation begin? And, what are the indicators that a husband-and- wife relationship has degenerated into familiar strangers’ co-habitation?
When husband and wife find it difficult to agree on crucial matters, but always argue on same or different issues, the process has begun. It becomes worse if abusive words and insults are used freely during such altercations.
Given the recurring hostilities, the desire to spend time together begins to die naturally. Consequently, each partner finds and connects – albeit unconsciously – with someone else for friendship.
Sometimes, such emergency alliances lead to unintended romantic escapades where the opposite gender is involved.
Again, with the existing communication gap, sensitive personal experiences that husband and wife should ordinarily share with each other are kept secret while the outside friend(s) become(s) the confidant(s).
Another tell-tale sign that a couple has turned to strangers living together is that they rarely plan and execute any joint projects, run a business together or operate joint bank accounts.
By the way, what usually causes this marital malaise? One major factor is unresolved conflicts arising from irreconcilliable differences. Sometimes, the necessary closeness between couples diminishes unnoticed over time when career pursuit becomes a consuming passion.
Also, the otherwise exciting companionship can wax cold when either of the parties gets too familiar with his/her partner to the extent of becoming habitually disrespectful or causing public disgrace.
At other times, being consistently critical or unduly judgmental about each other’s motives and moves can kick-start a steady decline in the warm affection between a couple.
This ugly situation does arise also when the struggle to cope with marital duties and responsibilities is allowed to “kill” romance and normal sexual desire.
While the husband lives practically for his job in order to provide adequately for his household, the wife is neck-deep into domestic chores, coupled with a demanding trade or paid employment.
Sooner or later, both “busy-bee” partners will discover that they do not know or understand themselves any more. This is especially true when the family is large and the children are too young.
However, the good news is: the ugly trend is preventable. Even worse situations can still be remedied.
How? Create time to be and play together. Do not allow your handset to become a “beloved thief” of attention during important discussions. A just-for-two chat and special treats occasionally can strengthen conjugal bonds.
Think about the attractive qualities of your spouse. Compliment his/her good looks and right actions frequently while correcting privately in love.
Nagging and undue familiarity must be jettisoned. Besides, encouraging and helping each other will foster needful improvement.
In addition, learn to show interest in your spouse’s personal career progress and help with his/her tasks where practicable. Identify with his/her hobby.
Rekindle that sizzling romance and be the soul mates that you are really meant to be. If possible, avoid having third-party confidants; it opens up marital privacy.
Surely, those blissful days of delightsome love can return. May you never end up living with a stranger husband/wife.
